(I)nspiration

So here's how my story is as of right now. I'm gonna write it like it flows...listening to Scroobius Pip's song "Stunner" right now because I LOVE him. The way he articulates his feelings mixed rhythmically arousing beats gets my body and intellect pumped! It's great.

So yeah...this is about inspiration. I should make a note not to start my next sentence with "So". I try not to repeat words too much but we all have our stack of transitional statements that we tend to repeat,yes? Careful not to justify our actions by the decisions of the general public now. Insert winking face...why? Tendency to place a friendly face next to a possibly controversial statement. DO we all really have a stack of transitional statements? Someone wants to challenge me. Some people agree with me. Someones asking "And what if I don't" or more generally "what about the person who doesn't? Did you think about them?"

Oh, don't mind the voices in my hand (I'm editing this after reading and I said hand but meant head but I find it funny so I'm keeping it because I used my hands to type the voices in my head). It's just the patterns of humanity that I have absorbed speaking their say's of possible reactions. Here you are in the midst of a glimpse of one of my trains of thought. What does that have to do with inspiration? Has anyone asked that yet? Well I'm not very far in to my post but I think it's about the time I answer it anyway.

Soooo....does that one count if it has more O's than the first 2? Laughter within. Okay, careful not to veer to off course. I love my mind skating but, I do wish to explain.

What this all has to do with inspiration is Personal Flow. The soul. The Eternal/internal well spring. Self. God. Source. (of) Creation.- Those last three go together and separately if you get what I mean.

I've been lagging majorly hard on my blog posts and actually all my writing and creation for a while now. I was really frustrated. The first blog post I made I felt was GOLD all the others did express parts of me but were not quite what I wanted them to be. I was MAD! I wanted to erase them. They must all be as beautiful as the true QUEEN!  The queen of my true bleeding heart...but the truth is they were a bit strained. I wanted to write about the subjects they touch on but they were missing a certain raw emotion that one cannot force.

I have a bad habit of wanting to erase imperfections and start ALL over. Even now I'm thinking about taking out the first part of this post saying how I was doing this listening to Scroobius Pip because I'm not anymore. After I got into my own flow of thought, the music was too distracting (despite it's dopeness) so I let the youtube video go off and haven't bothered to press replay. Does that make my opening statement a lie? An imperfection in my literal honesty? One of my inner critics wants to say yes, or it's unnecessary but the truth is...it was true. Now it's just the past. And we know how existence works right? You can't reaaaly just erase things and start all over. Things matter, things effect. This is why we must learn to work with what we are given.

Working with what one is given, this thought brings us back to inspiration and getting in touch with myself. This is what I have been doing. Getting to know myself better because if I don't know how to tap water from my own well spring, my creativity and thus my quality of life suffer greatly. I want everything I do to be perfectly beautiful, like my post about the Queen of red and gold. But, I limited myself by thinking/feeling it would all look like this perfectly executed idea.

The best energy is RAW! It must be shaped but not so much so that it loses its defining vitality.

So here we have (I used "so" again...screw it) a perfect example of this work I have been doing. Tapping into my well and letting it flow as is yet shaped enough to express creatively in this blog post here. The outer fingers on my right hand (pink and...index) are burning because of how much I've typed, how fast I type and the way I type (which is entirely not the "proper" way and a whole other story to be told) so...this is where end this for today. I hope you had fun following me through a moment. I sure had fun following me.  (Smile arises as the expression of my genuine delight.)